Saturday, 24 December 2011

The Political Advent Calender

Just in case you missed it, here are the entries for Matt Chorley's brilliant political advent calender, I hope you enjoy it, have a very Happy Christmas and I'll be back with my review of the year next week.

Day 1 Disaster at the Treasury Christmas lunch. The goose is cooked but the tax credits are still frozen
Day 2 Shoplifting row in the garden centre. Chris Huhne denies asking someone else to take the poinsettia
Day 3 Hokey-cokey falls into disarray in Nuttal household after David demands an in/out referendum
Day 4 Chocolate Grant Shapps says Mary & Joseph are squatting in stable. Moved to flat on other side of Bethlehem
Day 5 Disappointment in the Thurlbeck household when Santa insists he wasn't shown the "For Neville" email
Day 6 Cameron defends independence of No 10 carol service before launching into rendition of Jingle Bell Pottinger
Day 7 Mrs Lansley is so disappointed with her police drama box set that Andrew is forced to pause The Bill
Day 8 David Miliband unmoved by MI6 Choir's version of Silent Night but critics say it's an extraordinary rendition
Day 9 Lembit Opik dressed as a snow-covered Big Ben. Not the whole tower. Just the bell end!
Day 10 Disappointment as Molly and Arthur Letwin discover their letters to Santa in a bin
Day 11  Nick Clegg is privately seething, angry and furious that Cameron has organised the Secret Santa without him
Day 12  After realising he's misspelt his name in all his Christmas cards, Vince Cable insists he won't re-sign
Day 13 After No 10 Christmas lobby drinks last night, Clegg is astonished at 4am to find Cameron used the Vimto
Day 14 After his wife's reality TV escapades, John Bercow has signed up to spend Christmas living in a doll's house
Day 15 Steve Hilton, the PM’s guru. The only man happy to get just socks at Christmas
Day 16 Clegg uses his best French to tell Fillon he has 2 brothers, likes cats & invites him to "jouer au pingpong"
Day 17 Tom Watson tells Santa: “You're the first mafia boss who doesn't know he's running a Christmas enterprise”
Day 18 DEFRA staff keep tripping over baubles & tinsel on the floor in reception after Caroline Spelman sold their tree
Day 19 Mike Hancock pulling a cracker. How does he do it? Dirty dog.
Day 20 Sepp Blatter tells Mary & Joseph to ignore Herod's threat to slaughter son of God, by shaking hands
Day 21 Joni Mitchell comes out against government's planning reforms, saying Paradise has enough parking lots
Day 22 The Home Office Panto is cancelled after Theresa May makes a gang dispersal order against the Seven Dwarves
Day 23 Cameron apologises for cutting too much red tape after Santa's trousers fall down

Day 24 Commons nativity falls foul of Trades Descriptions Act when the Three Wise Men are played by Dave, Ed & Nick

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